Tips for Writing Notes to Parents About Behavior

By : Melissa Dubie, M.S.

Teachers usually send notes home daily to the family to inform them of the daily events; giving the family something to ask their child to talk about. In addition, notes are written to inform families of progress on goals from the students individualized education plan (IEP) and concerns about behavior. Sending notes home to parents can make an impact with the student when they know the teacher is communicating with their parent. It is also important for parents to know what is going on at school too. Writing an effective note to parents can support building a partnership between home and school.

The teacher of record or teacher of service should be the person to write the notes home to the family. The teacher in this role is responsible for implementing the IEP, functional behavior assessment (FBA), and the behavior intervention plan (BIP). Usually, the student’s behavior is related in one way or another to the IEP, FBA, or BIP. The paraprofessional is helpful in many ways in the classroom but writing notes to families should not be their responsibility. Instead, the paraprofessional can be helpful in other ways. For example, this person can read to the students or help them pack their belongings to go home. Often when the students are car riders, the paraprofessional is the one to take the student to meet the parents. When asked by the parent, “How was Joey’s Day?” Simply say, “The teacher wrote a note. It is in his backpack. Have a great night. See you tomorrow.”

Before the teacher begins to write the note, they should be sure to be calm and regulated. It is never a good idea to vent in a note to a family member. First, breathe and take a break. If the student is in a crisis at the end of the day but able to get on the bus; simply write in the student’s agenda book, “I would like to call you this evening. Text me when it is a good time for you.” If the teacher has limited times in the evening, then write, “I would like to talk to you today between 5-5:45 tonight or before school tomorrow. Let me know when it is best to talk for you.” At that mutually agreed upon time, the teacher can explain in more detail what she wanted to discuss with the family member.

Here are some tips on how to either write a note home to the family or talk through the scenario over the phone.

1. Start every note with a positive comment. Students always have good parts of their day. Highlight a good choice they made academically, socially, or through choices.
2. Explain What the Behavior Looked Like
   • A letter to parents should describe the specific behavior in a factual and an objective manner. Avoid blaming statements like, your child was so aggressive at school today. This doesn’t tell the parents about the specific issue. Instead, you could summarize what occurred by writing:
     • When another student walked by Frank’s desk, he pinched her.
     • Shawnia pushed over a desk with force and stomped on it when it was upside down. The desk is bent. She was angry.
     • With this information, the parents are better able to understand the exact behavior.
3. Explain what happened Before the Behavior (Antecedent)
   • Behavior is communication. There are several functions of the behavior. It could be to escape or avoid the task, trying to gain attention, dysregulated, or trying to get what the student wants. Try to describe the function of the behavior to the family member. This will help as the teacher and family try to problem solve the behavior. To add to the scenario’s above:
     • We had a convocation today which was loud. Frank was given a quiet break for five minutes before he started his work, but it seems that it wasn’t enough time since when Olivia walked by, he yelled, “get out of my space” and pinched her.
     • Shawnia started her writing assignment and didn’t know what to do. She raised her hand to get my attention. I held up one finger for her to wait a minute. She didn’t see the cue and thought she waited long enough. She got my attention by pushing over the desk and stomping on it.
4. Explain What Interventions Were Tried
   • Describe how the staff worked through the behavior with the student. If a BIP is in place, use the verbiage that is written in that plan, so the parents know how the plan is being implemented. If an FBA has not been written, still talk about the strategies that were tried to calm the student down. For example:
     • Once we realized Frank was still upset, the staff sat with him to do one problem on his math. He was able to follow the directions of the staff and then was given another quiet sensory break for ten minutes before asking him to finish his work. This additional time calmed him down.
     • We wrote on the dry erase board in steps what Shawnia needed to do. 1. Pick up desk. 2. Sit down at your desk. 3. Ms. Anderson will sit next to you while you take some deep breaths. 4. On a dry erase board, worked through a better solution through behavior mapping. Here is a picture of the process. Next time, instead of holding up one finger, we will hold up a dry erase board with a time on it that we can help her and the words, put your head down to take deep breaths until Ms. Anderson can help you. We both agreed to try this plan.

By the teacher writing informative and factual notes specific to the concerns that day about the student, the school and family can together problem solve continual behavior issues as they arise. This practice will assist in continuing to build relationships between families and school.

Dubie, M. (2024). Tips for Writing Notes to Parents About Behavior. Retrieved from dubieconsultingllc.com