Staying Steady: Adult Self‑Control During Student Crisis Behavior

Why This Matters

When children yell, hit, run, refuse, shut-down or appear away from their baseline behavior we call this escalation. When children are escalated or in crisis, adults often feel triggered too. The adult’s ability to regulate emotions signals safety and support to students, helping the child de‑escalate and return to learning.

Why Adult Self-Control Matters

Children in crisis are operating from their emotional brain, not their thinking brain. If we respond emotionally or punitively, we risk escalating the situation. But when we remain regulated, we send the message:

“You are safe. I can handle this. I care about you, even when you are struggling.”

Staying calm doesn’t mean being passive. It means being grounded, purposeful, and prepared.

Quick Tips to Stay Regulated

Here are some easy-to-implement strategies for staying in control during student outbursts or intense behaviors:

1. Use Your Breath

· Take a slow breath in for 4 counts, hold for 4, and exhale for 6.

· Breathing cues your nervous system to stay in a calm, connected state.

2. Ground Yourself Physically

· Feel your feet on the floor.

· Press your fingertips together.

· Use a calming object in your pocket (a stone, textured keychain, etc.).

3. Use a Neutral Script

· Prepare phrases to use under stress:

• •  “I’m here to help.”
  • “Let’s stay safe.”
  • “We can solve this together.”

4. Slow Down

· Lower your voice.

· Use fewer words.

· Pause before reacting. Silence can de-escalate more than talking.

Create Your Own Self-Control Plan

Just like we build behavior plans for students, adults benefit from having their own self-control plan for challenging moments.

Here’s a simple format:

My Triggers	My Calming Tools	My Go-To Phrases	My Follow-Up Plan

 

Triggers are student behaviors or situations that are hard for me to handle. These could include when a student hits another student, when I am being yelled at, or when a student refuses to follow directions.

Calming tools are strategies that help me to stay regulated. These could include breathing deeply; stepping back and letting a colleague step in; or even visualizing something peaceful.

My Go-To Phrases are things I can say to myself or to the student. It could include a phrase, verse or some form of self-talk. I could say, “I can handle this” or “this is not about me.”

My Follow-Up Plan would include what I need to do after a crisis moment. This could include a brief debrief with a teammate. It could include a short walk or a cold drink of water. It could also be a written reflection in a journal.

Reminders

When students are having crisis behavior, they are dysregulated. Students aren’t giving us a hard time; they are having a hard time. Safety is the top priority. Control comes after connection.

Final Thought

You are the thermostat in your classroom not the thermometer. Your calm sets the tone. With a little preparation, a few simple tools, and a self-control plan in your pocket, you’ll be equipped to support kids through their hardest moment and come out stronger, too.

Recommended Resources

· Book: “The Whole-Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

· Website: www.consciousdiscipline.com

· Podcast: “The Behavior Revolution Podcast” – great for educator self-regulation tips

Written by Sarah Reaves, MS, CCC-SLP, Autism and Essential Skills Coordinator at Franklin Township Community School Corporation, Indiana.